Writing an obituary for a loved one amid exhaustion and sorrow can be challenging. The concept of summarizing a beautiful, unique life in just a few short paragraphs can be nothing short of daunting. However, we know you can do this, and we want to provide tools to help you write a meaningful obituary to honor your loved one.
Considering the timing, you should probably write and publish the obituary within one week of your loved one’s death. You may choose a local newspaper, or you may prefer an Online Memorial. Remember that the obituary should be published at least three days before the memorial service or gathering.
It may help to think of yourself as a storyteller, sharing the remarkable story of someone’s life! Here are four ideas to help you get started:
1. Decide what newspaper(s) in which you want to publish the obituary.
When preparing to write an obituary, it would be helpful for you to visit your newspaper’s website to learn about its guidelines and fees. Some newspapers charge a base price for online placement, such as $25, plus $0.50 per word and an additional photo fee. Others may charge by word number categories: 0-50 words, 51-100 words, 101- 150 words, and so forth. Some information your newspaper might ask may include
- Name as you like it to appear (you may want to include a popular nickname)
- Age
- Date of death
- The town you want to be listed
- Formerly of (if they lived awhile elsewhere)
- Name and phone number of funeral home/cremation service
- Your contact information
- Requested publication date
- Emblem request (approximately $10 each): American Legion, veteran, cross, Eagles, Elks, Eastern Orthodox, flag, footprints, heart, Lions, Muslim, Star of David, etc.
- Permission to publish
Photo fees can range from approximately $10 – $70, depending on the photo size and whether it is in color or black and white. You may have the option to include more than one photo. You will want to scan any photographs that are not digitized to upload them to the newspaper.
Note: In most circumstances, you may want to have long and short versions available.
For example, the average length of an obituary is approximately 200 words, but some newspapers may accept obituaries as short as 50 words or as long as 450 words. A shorter version may be used in a magazine, memo, newsletter, or article, depending on your loved one’s history and contacts.
For most circumstances, you may want to have a long version and a short version available. The average length of an obituary is approximately 200 words, but some publications may accept obituaries as long as 450 words or as short as 50 words.
2. List basic facts about your loved one and how you want them to be honored.
Most obituaries include basic facts about the deceased and information about the visitation, memorial service, and burial. This information will help people who want to attend the service, send flowers, and contribute to the ministry or charity of choice. Here are some facts you may want to include:
- Cause of death: This is optional.
- Details of visitation: date, place, address, time beginning and time ending
- Details of the service: time, place and town, officiant, and if it is for everyone or just close family and friends
- Details of burial or scattering: time, place and town, military rights, etc. If you plan to scatter ashes, first check into the laws and guidelines in your state.
- Survivors: husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, sibling, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews and nieces, friends
- Preceded in death by spouse, parents, children (including miscarried children), siblings
- Memorial request: Some people like to specify a ministry, hospital, hospice, association, or charity for people to donate in honor of their loved one. You can say that you do not want flowers due to allergies or some other reason.
- Tribute or thank you: If your loved one received good care at the end of their life, you might want to publicly thank the medical personnel, medical center, or hospice nurses.
3. List highlights of your loved one’s life.
While you could probably write a book or several books about your loved one, you will be able to feature only the highlights in the obituary. So, grab a piece of paper or type a list of your loved one’s interests on your computer. Following are some questions to help you:
- How did they like to spend their free time?
- What was their career?
- Hobbies? Collections? Clubs?
- Did they have a life verse or motto?
- What schools and colleges did they attend, and what degrees were earned?
- Awards or other notable accomplishments?
- Were they active members of a church or charity?
- Did they enjoy traveling? If so, camping, cruises, mission trips, road trips, biking, etc.?
- Did they write a book, found a ministry or charity, play in the orchestra, or impact the community in a notable way?
- What did they like to do with their grandchildren? Did they teach them to bake, fish, bird watch, or appreciate poetry?
- What were some lessons they learned?
- What made them happy?
4. Prioritize information and form the words into sentences and paragraphs.You may want to consult with close family members when writing an obituary. It will help everyone if you, as immediate family, agree on the information to be shared, and it can be healing to share this experience. For example, your sister may think of a rich nugget to share that you knew about and treasured, but somehow it skipped your mind.
One way to help you formulate your rough and final drafts is to look at examples of other obituaries. You can look online or in your local newspaper to get ideas. Your local library will have newspapers you can borrow. In addition, you can check out 22 Great Obituary Examples, listed by various types and ages of people.
Before publishing, read the obituary out loud to evaluate the content and flow. For example, does the order of the sentences provide a logical flow of thought? Remember, this will probably be read aloud at the service. Run the obituary through a spelling and grammar check, and ask a couple of people to look it over again. Receiving others’ approval will help provide the confidence you may need to click the “publish” button.
We hope these ideas will help you write an obituary that accurately reflects the precious life of your loved one. Your labor of love in writing the obituary will honor their legacy and provide a meaningful keepsake for loved ones and friends.
